Confessions of a Married Man- My Top 5 Ways to a Happy Wife

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This year, I celebrated my 18th wedding anniversary. For 18 years, people have looked at me, then they look at my wife, then they look back at me and rub their eyes, as if I’ll get better looking on second glance. Nope. Sorry.

I’ve heard all the remarks, all the comments, all the “Boy, you sure did marry up!” Yeah, yeah. That’s neat. But you know what? I don’t believe in “marrying up”. Here’s why. For every guy who “married up”, there’s a girl who settled for less.  I don’t believe my wife settled for less. I’ve spent 18 years, putting in effort, and it’s never felt like work. Here we are, 18 years strong, and I’m happy, and I believe my wife is happy.

To quote the great philosopher Forrest Gump, “I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is..”

I don’t proclaim to be a marital expert. You won’t see me on Dr. Phil or Oz or Ruth, or whoever else has a show nowadays. But, I have been happily married for almost two decades. So, I’m no slouch.
Guys, it’s really not that difficult. I promise.

cruise

But you must live by the golden rule of marriage, “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

Now look, I don’t have the perfect marriage, but I definitely have a happy marriage.

So, that being said, here are what I believe are my Top 5 Ways, to having a happy wife.

1. She gives you football, you give her chick flicks.

It’s tit for tat. My wife knew going in that I was a sports junkie. It was obvious there were going to be Saturdays where I’m consumed by the 8 games on 8 different channels at the same time. So, in turn, I knew, chances are Meg Ryan would be an important part of my relationship with my wife. That’s just the way it is. Lucky for my wife, I’m a movie junkie too. And lucky for me, she likes football, both of us even more so now that we’ve done both together for so long.

2. She cooked it, you ate it, you both clean it.

C’mon man, do you really go sit on your butt while she’s in there doing the dishes after dinner? It’s your choice. Do you want those first 15 minutes after dinner to be her alone in the kitchen cleaning up your mess? Or, do you want them to be spent together, giving her the adult conversation she’s missed all day?

3. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.

Don’t go to bed angry. It’s not worth it, and it’s not biblical. Things can stew. Imaginations can run wild. You’ll find that the actual argument, or discussion, is far easier than all the concoctions of that argument you both are having in your own heads. In fact, most of the time, you’ll lay awake for an hour fuming over something that could have been solved with a 10-minute conversation.

4. She’s the hottest girl, in every room.

She’s your wife. You married her. You live with her. She’s the one you chose. She’s the object of your affection, and your desires. The more often you make her feel that way, the better it is for you. It’s easier if you truly believe it. And she’s your wife, you SHOULD truly believe it.
My wife and I made a decision long ago, we’re not interested in how hot the other one thinks Celebrity A or B is.

Are we dumb enough to think we’re the 2 best looking people either one of us have ever seen? Yes. Yes we are.

5. The only thing stupider, than the stupid thing you think she said or did, is you making fun of it.

I understand that you are the smartest person you know. We get that. Your wife gets that. So, in the off chance she does or says something below your intellectual capacity, and for the life of you, you can’t figure out how a person could do or say such things, let it go. I know it’s tough, especially for someone like yourself who never screws up, but you must let it go. It may seem like a perfect time for a snide remark, especially if you really want everyone else in the room, or on facebook, or on planet earth to know how funny that was. Let it go. The first time, she may even get a little kick out of it. The second time, it’s less funny. By the 19th time, or the 384th time, she now thinks you think she’s stupid. And maybe you’re right, she is stupid… for marrying an arrogant dooshrocket like yourself.

6. (Bonus Step) Firehouse Subs, Always Firehouse Subs

Because sometimes, you’ll screw up. And a Hook & Ladder just may be the answer.

Again, I’m no expert, but like Mr Gump says, I know what love is.

 

Make sure you read the follow up to this blog, 5 Ways to a Happy Husband, (Yes, there are 5)

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34 thoughts on “Confessions of a Married Man- My Top 5 Ways to a Happy Wife

  1. Angie Szymanski

    omg the best thing ever! LOVE this. Joe will now consider you his hero. You seriously don’t have secret phone meetings?? You have such a great heart. I just love you and Amy! Wish we lived closer. Congrats to you love birds. My new word #dooshrocket

  2. Becky Rowton

    Thank you, Bo, for stating what seems obvious about marriage and relationship but apparently, by looking at the divorce rate, is not. I love seeing you and Amy together. It is easy to see that you only have eyes for each other, and that’s the way it should be. I was blessed with a husband who looked at me with that love and cherishing in his eyes for 27 years, and I cherish it still.
    Becky

  3. Reblogged this on "To See the World in a Grain of Sand" and commented:
    So I do not normally reblog these “Marriage Tips” but this one is quite excellent. I know so many people who would be much happier if they would start taking these important things to heart! Marriage is hard work people, but if you put in the time and dedication to it and to your partner your going to be just fine!
    ~Irish~

  4. Congratulations!!! We just celebrated 19 years here and I absolutely agree. As I am sure my husband would, too—seems we practice pretty much all of these (unbeknownst to us that other people do, too!!!)
    Many more years to you both!!

  5. In our house, if she cooks, I wash. If I cook, she washes. Period. Next May we will have been married 40 years. I would say you are pretty close on most of your observations for success in marriage. But I would tweak this one just a bit.

  6. Thanks everyone for your comments. And thanks to those of you who linked to me from their own blogs. That means a lot. Welcome to all my new followers, I hope the 5 minutes you spend with me every day or so will be enough to have you stick around a while.

  7. Chrisse

    Great info and I agree with everything you said! Thanks so much for posting! I hope many of your guy friends read! It is all great advice.

  8. Michael Devall

    I’m sure you’ve heard this a million times, but you definitely nailed it with this one! You were first brought to my attention from someone sharing “Happy Husband” but after reading it I immediately had to read “Happy Wife”. You see I am that unemployed scared father and husband. Unfortunately I have been directing my inner disappointment in myself towards my wife. I know it has resulted in my wife not feeling like the most beautiful, or smartest, or most talented, or most sacrificing women on the face of this earth!! I know it will be hard to change the past but I am going to spend the rest of my life trying! I know she is all of those things…..not its time she knew it too!!

    Please keep sharing!!!

    Thank you!!!

    • Thanks for the kind words Michael. It’s never too late! Don’t worry about the past, a little praise goes a long way. I will keep sharing. Please keep reading. And let me know how much she likes your new attitude! Remember, if mommy ain’t happy, ain’t NOOObody happy!

  9. Dude, you are right on the money!!!!!!
    My wife and I have been married for going on 3 years.
    We live by these principles, and we have the most amazing relationship either one of us has ever experienced. Let me say we are older, and both of us have two failed marriages behind us because we both lived the other way. We are determined to not repeat those patterns. I do the dishes, because I feel that if she, after working just as long as I do, is willing to come home and try to be Martha Stewart, I can do the dishes. A step that I feel should be added is, date her at least once a week. If you want the obvious thing all women know you want work for it like you did when you were single. Don’t take her for granted thinking that because she is your wife she is obligated to have sex with you. SHE IS NOT! !!!!!!!
    If you want her to love on you, then BE the man she fell in love with!!!!!!! Just sayin 🙂

    • Bewhatyoupreach

      What a joke too bad this man was cheating on his wife when he wrote this post he is a fake and a ConMan. Pray for him he’s not but he seems. His wife is now on food stamps because he refuses to pay temporary alimony. Nothing godly about him

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