This year, I celebrated my 18th wedding anniversary. For 18 years, people have looked at me, then they look at my wife, then they look back at me and rub their eyes, as if I’ll get better looking on second glance. Nope. Sorry.
I’ve heard all the remarks, all the comments, all the “Boy, you sure did marry up!” Yeah, yeah. That’s neat. But you know what? I don’t believe in “marrying up”. Here’s why. For every guy who “married up”, there’s a girl who settled for less. I don’t believe my wife settled for less. I’ve spent 18 years, putting in effort, and it’s never felt like work. Here we are, 18 years strong, and I’m happy, and I believe my wife is happy.
To quote the great philosopher Forrest Gump, “I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is..”
I don’t proclaim to be a marital expert. You won’t see me on Dr. Phil or Oz or Ruth, or whoever else has a show nowadays. But, I have been happily married for almost two decades. So, I’m no slouch.
Guys, it’s really not that difficult. I promise.
But you must live by the golden rule of marriage, “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
Now look, I don’t have the perfect marriage, but I definitely have a happy marriage.
So, that being said, here are what I believe are my Top 5 Ways, to having a happy wife.
1. She gives you football, you give her chick flicks.
It’s tit for tat. My wife knew going in that I was a sports junkie. It was obvious there were going to be Saturdays where I’m consumed by the 8 games on 8 different channels at the same time. So, in turn, I knew, chances are Meg Ryan would be an important part of my relationship with my wife. That’s just the way it is. Lucky for my wife, I’m a movie junkie too. And lucky for me, she likes football, both of us even more so now that we’ve done both together for so long.
2. She cooked it, you ate it, you both clean it.
C’mon man, do you really go sit on your butt while she’s in there doing the dishes after dinner? It’s your choice. Do you want those first 15 minutes after dinner to be her alone in the kitchen cleaning up your mess? Or, do you want them to be spent together, giving her the adult conversation she’s missed all day?
3. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.
Don’t go to bed angry. It’s not worth it, and it’s not biblical. Things can stew. Imaginations can run wild. You’ll find that the actual argument, or discussion, is far easier than all the concoctions of that argument you both are having in your own heads. In fact, most of the time, you’ll lay awake for an hour fuming over something that could have been solved with a 10-minute conversation.
4. She’s the hottest girl, in every room.
She’s your wife. You married her. You live with her. She’s the one you chose. She’s the object of your affection, and your desires. The more often you make her feel that way, the better it is for you. It’s easier if you truly believe it. And she’s your wife, you SHOULD truly believe it.
My wife and I made a decision long ago, we’re not interested in how hot the other one thinks Celebrity A or B is.
Are we dumb enough to think we’re the 2 best looking people either one of us have ever seen? Yes. Yes we are.
5. The only thing stupider, than the stupid thing you think she said or did, is you making fun of it.
I understand that you are the smartest person you know. We get that. Your wife gets that. So, in the off chance she does or says something below your intellectual capacity, and for the life of you, you can’t figure out how a person could do or say such things, let it go. I know it’s tough, especially for someone like yourself who never screws up, but you must let it go. It may seem like a perfect time for a snide remark, especially if you really want everyone else in the room, or on facebook, or on planet earth to know how funny that was. Let it go. The first time, she may even get a little kick out of it. The second time, it’s less funny. By the 19th time, or the 384th time, she now thinks you think she’s stupid. And maybe you’re right, she is stupid… for marrying an arrogant dooshrocket like yourself.
6. (Bonus Step) Firehouse Subs, Always Firehouse Subs
Because sometimes, you’ll screw up. And a Hook & Ladder just may be the answer.
Again, I’m no expert, but like Mr Gump says, I know what love is.
Make sure you read the follow up to this blog, 5 Ways to a Happy Husband, (Yes, there are 5)